Glendale — I’ve spent these winter months reconfiguring the metal detector.
If you haven’t owned one I am sure you have seen people using them. They are similar in appearance to a telescoping selfie stick. On the end is a plate-like sphere. The user, who is something like a modern day dowser, slowly waves the sphere from left to right a few inches above the earth. Wearing headphones allows him/her to hear any change in pitch that identifies metal in the ground.
I have never owned a metal detector nor have I ever had the slightest interest in this hobby. It has just about as much appeal to me as the art of soap carving.
That being said, over the months of T.’s presidency, I have noted an ever increasing dearth of joy. It has gotten harder and harder to find. I see the lack of it to be not unlike a snow fog that has taken up permanent residence. Even my own jokes are now nothing but uncapped seltzer.
It got to the point where I had to do something and that something was to retrofit a metal detector to be able to hone in on joy, any joy that got lost, dropped, tossed out, thrown away, relinquished, stomped out, trampled upon…I am happy to report that my diligent efforts have paid off. Not only have I developed the Joy Detector but they are now for sale through my website, www.Don’tTredOnMe, for the cost of $39.99 with all proceeds going to the Berkshire Immigrant Center.
Of course, the Joy Detector comes with detailed, Ikea-like instructions. Getting started: It is always advisable to grid off the area where you think that you lost your joy. Then systematically walk the grid, slowly swiping the detector head over the ground.
Patience is the key. Maybe you lost your joy way back when T. was inaugurated or sometime between the 41st and 100th time you heard the word “wall” being used. It could have been when you saw the images of children in detention centers separated from their parents…. there are just so very many possibilities of when your joy lost its way.
I certainly wouldn’t have spent untold hours dedicated to my new cottage industry if I didn’t believe it to be imperative that we locate and and revive all lost joy. So please, join me in the search. I‘ll even throw in some pretty good headphones for the first 20 people who make a purchase.
