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Aidan White

The [Unauthorized] GB Primer

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By Friday, Jul 5, 2019 Life In the Berkshires 13

The Town of Great Barrington lies along the Housatonic River in western Massachusetts. (Note to Bostonians: Worcester is not western Massachusetts. Not even close. Neither are Springfield and Amherst. If you want west you have to keep going, you know — west. When you get to eastern New York, you’ve gone too far. Turn around and drive until you feel all tingly and warm inside and you’ll know you’re back in Massachusetts.)

It’s in the Berkshires, which is why it’s great, Barrington that is. In the summer and during the holidays, visitors can outnumber locals by a wide margin and some of them have adopted alternative modifiers for Barrington in an attempt to be, you know, clever. In other cases, locals can be heard to utter variations on the town’s name, depending upon circumstances, by way of commentary on the lifestyles and curious practices of the ambivalently regarded auslanders.

Herewith is a current listing with annotations.

  • Pretty Good Barrington. Because some people are a little hard to please.
  • Meh Barrington. Because some people are really hard to please.
  • This Isn’t Connecticut So Don’t Drive Like A Jerk Barrington. I’m talking to you in the big white Mercedes Benz with the Greenwich license plate frame (like we didn’t know you were rich already just by looking at the car) who cut off the local guy in the Subaru with tens years worth of town dump stickers on his back window who was just trying to pull out of a parking place in front of the Post Office. Be nice. Try, at least.
  • Brooklyn North Barrington. You won’t believe how close the farm is to your table. It’s almost across the street! That’s why it smells like that. Because you’re not in Brooklyn.
  • OK To Root For The Yankees While In Massachusetts Barrington. Do this at your own risk, of course, in case those people from Boston actually find the place. Unlikely, but you can’t be too careful.
  • I Can’t Make The New Melissa Clark Recipe Because I Couldn’t Find Burrata Barrington. It’s called roughing it. It’s called being on vacation. You’ll live.
  • The Natives Don’t Wear Scarves in the Summer Barrington. If you want to blend in, leave your Euro scarf at home when you go to the Farmer’s Market on Saturday morning if the temperature is over 65. No, make that 30. Then again, maybe you don’t want to blend in. Whatever.
  • Not Like It Used To Be Barrington. And Arlo isn’t a kid anymore either. But don’t worry. Any day now you’ll be able to buy weed on Main Street without getting arrested. Not that you would now. Of course, when it was illegal the lines were shorter.
  • I Can’t Believe They Charge The Same For A Latte As They Do In New York Barrington. Yeah, I know. And the coffee beans aren’t even local. They’re from Columbia or someplace like that. So sad.
  • I’ve Been To More Cultural Events/Venues This Week Than You Have Barrington. Only because we got rained out at Tanglewood!
  • Don’t Run Over The People In The Crosswalks Barrington. Is that you again in the white Mercedes? Sheesh!
  • My Bedroom Slippers Are Fuzzier Than Your Dog Barrington. Bigger too. And I don’t have to pick up after my slippers with a blue New York Times bag, so that’s nice.
  • Gluten Free Barrington. Of course it doesn’t taste, look, or feel like bread. That’s what the gluten is for.
  • Not So Great Barrington. Because some people are impossible to please. Try Nantucket.

Can we just make Barrington Great again?


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13 Comments   Add Comment

  1. John K says:

    Barrington will be GREAT again… in February!

  2. Jonathan Hankin says:

    So who has the power to authorize this? Town meeting? Or the Selectboard because they are on TV?

  3. DB says:

    Wow
    This is so rude….must be taking lessons from our president. How about instead of rudely snarking the folks who come to enjoy what we see everyday while spending their hard earned money on our wares and services… how about you just be nice, understand their out of their element and try to help. Your rude , passive aggressiveness is not how i want those folks to think of our Berkshires.
    You don’t get a white Mercedes by just going on vacation, you work for it, then choose where to drive it to spend your hard earned money. And we are very lucky to be the recipients.
    And… you can find Burrata cheese in at least three places in GREAT Barrington! And we don’t even care if you wear a scarf in July at the wonderful Farmers ‘ Market ❤️
    Please try to get a grip and relax and enjoy the summer.

    1. Shawn G. says:

      lighten up…dude.

  4. Steve Farina says:

    I Love this article! Fun!
    You did miss:
    * Great Bannington – because of the town’s propensity to ban items for sale, rather than educate consumers and let them choose for themselves. (Cigarettes for adults between the age of 18 and 21, e-cigs, plastic bags, polystyrene and polypropylene food containers, and now 1l plastic water bottles). Give us a chance, we’ll find more things to ban soon.

    1. DB says:

      The South is calling you….

      1. Steve Farina says:

        Hi DB, I’m not really sure what you comment is about. Is it just a bigoted response that you suppose I would understand, or is there something else to it?

    2. Ted B. says:

      Gotta ban this stuff to make room for the Marijuana !

    3. DB says:

      Hi Steve,
      Just drive down south for a while and you can have all the single serve water bottles you want, take them home in a single use plastic bag . Then you can open them up, pour it into a styrofoam cup and then throw them out your car or truck window where they will adorn the roadsides… forever or until a chain gang is brought in to clean it.
      And then you can buy all the pineapple flavored vape pens you want while not worrying about the tourists from NY buying any pot or burrata.
      And no problem scoring or pawning any guns you may need or have too many of.
      And taxes are low!!
      Perfect.
      Talking about laws, not people.
      Not bigoted, just take a ride through the South, you’re sure to enjoy all the freedoms your missing here.
      This country is big, you should not be stuck somewhere you don’t appreciate when we offer something for everyone in our country.
      If you love the Berkshires, well this is what makes them different and wonderful.
      Something for everyone.

      1. Steve Farina says:

        So in your view, as stated here, the Berkshires are “different and wonderful” because of high taxes, government over-reach, and limited freedoms.
        Thanks for clarifying.
        Happy Fourth of July!

  5. ToasterMan says:

    Obviously written by an out-of-towner, or they would know this idyllic town clutching the banks of the mighty Housatonic, nestled in the shadow of the Mount Washington badlands, surrounded by fields of pesticide free marijuana and solar panel parking lots, with a pot shop ratio approaching one per thousand people, is fondly known as “Great Bud”

  6. W.C. says:

    Sure is a flatlander. Just go home (NYC etc.) and leave us alone!

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