For those of you who never saw Silky Sullivan, you missed watching a most impressive horse. And while Silky couldn’t talk like Mr. Ed, he had the extraordinary ability to come from almost impossibly far behind, summoning every ounce of adrenaline and willpower to win the race.
I am reminded of Silky as I watch Pam Bondi, starting so many lengths behind, as she musters unexpected reserves to do her best to deny Kristi Noem the chance to take home Most Stupid 2025 honors. Kristi, you might remember, began this competition with a sizable lead. Many Americans might have forgotten, but Kristi Noem early on honed her ability to be stupid. It was near impossible not to be impressed by her public admission of what she did to her dog, Cricket. It was clear what a formidable opponent she would become if she put her mind to it. Yes, without the slightest bit of shame, she revealed her audacious willingness to dispatch to kingdom come those pets and farm animals who had managed to annoy her. I am guessing it was probably a wishy-washy political consultant who prevailed upon her to try and soften the blow by mentioning her kids. But clearly, Cricket just bugged her. So as California Sen. Alex Padilla just found out, those who annoy Kristi Noem better watch out:
As TIME magazine reminds us, and hopefully someone will remember to warn Pam Bondi, Kristi Noem is a crack shot who obviously has no problem pulling the trigger:
South Dakota Governor Kristi Noem, a Republican and reported contender for Donald Trump’s Vice President pick in the 2024 election, has received pushback after admitting to killing her dog in her new memoir … Noem wrote she shot dead Cricket, a 14-month-old dog she had intended to train for hunting pheasant, after the canine ruined a hunt, killed another family’s chickens, and moved to bite her.
What were the odds Cricket had figured out that Kristi cared more about killing pheasants than she did about her dog or that with the failure of the hunt, along with the embarrassment that followed, Cricket’s dinner was no longer on the table, figuratively and literally? Many a wise dog would decide that a chicken in the paw is worth a hell of a lot more than a chicken no longer in the pot. And so I ask, what would you have done if you were Cricket?
Anyway, TIME offers us the Noem side of the story, certainly not Cricket’s, with a big dose character assassination:
Noem said Cricket had an ‘aggressive personality’ and was ‘untrainable’ … Noem took Cricket on a pheasant hunt with older dogs to try to teach the canine, but Cricket went ‘out of her mind with excitement, chasing all those birds and having the time of her life.’ She said she called Cricket, then used an electronic collar to try to control the dog. On the way home, Cricket escaped Noem’s truck and killed the chickens of a local family, who Noem compensated. The dog then ‘whipped around to bite me,’ the politician wrote.
Could this be, I wonder, a clear case of biting the hand that won’t feed you? Sen. Padilla was spared the electronic collar, at least. TIME continues:
After that, Noem said, ‘I realized I had to put her down.’ She led Cricket to a gravel pit and shot and killed the dog. Noem also killed a male goat that she said was ‘nasty and mean,’ smelled ‘disgusting, musky, rancid,’ and ‘loved to chase’ her children, knocking them down and ruining their clothes. She also killed the goat in the gravel pit, although it reportedly took two shots. Noem said she told the story about Cricket to show that in politics and life, she was willing to do what was ‘difficult, messy, and ugly’ if it was necessary.
[Emphasis added.]
Message received. You obviously don’t want to go anywhere near that gravel pit. And you don’t have to be an interior decorator to guess that Kristi is hoping to place the Most Stupid 2025 trophy next to the gun she used to kill Cricket.
Lately, it has become more and more clear that this has become a two-cabinet-secretary horserace. And judging by Kristi Noem’s determination to make ever more stupid decisions, Pam Bondi has got her work cut out for her. Unfortunately, on those occasions when the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) and the Department of Justice (DOJ) are both on the stupid case, as I am sure the judges are aware, it is sometimes hard to decide who gets the larger share of credit for what they are doing—like making life miserable for Kilmar Armando Abrego Garcia and making a mockery of Judge Paula Xinis’ court orders. You obviously have both Secretary of Homeland Security Noem and Attorney General Bondi working overtime in the Garcia v. Noem case, to evade their constitutional obligations.
When last we looked, Judge Xinis, the Appeals Court, and even the United States Supreme Court made clear that the government had an obligation to make sure Abrego Garcia’s habeas corpus rights were respected and that he should be returned to the United States where that could happen. The Supreme Court writes:
The order properly requires the Government to ‘facilitate’ Abrego Garcia’s release from custody in El Salvador and to ensure that his case is handled as it would have been had he not been improperly sent to El Salvador …The District Court should clarify its directive, with due regard for the deference owed to the Executive Branch in the conduct of foreign affairs. For its part, the Government should be prepared to share what it can concerning the steps it has taken and the prospect of further steps.
Credit Kristi Noem for stupidly obstructing Judge Xinis in multiple ways. As The New York Times notes:
In case after case, the Trump administration has taken a similar approach to the numerous legal challenges that have emerged in recent weeks to President Trump’s aggressive deportation plans. Over and over, officials have either violated orders or used an array of obfuscations and delays to prevent federal judges from deciding whether violations took place. So far, no one in the White House or any federal agency has had to pay a price for this obstructionist behavior, but penalties could still be in the offing …
All of this first came to the fore when Judge Paula Xinis opened an investigation in mid-April into whether Trump officials had violated her order to ‘facilitate’ the release of a Maryland man who had been wrongfully deported to a prison in El Salvador. In a sternly worded ruling in Federal District Court in Maryland, Judge Xinis instructed the Justice Department to tell her what steps the White House had taken, and planned to take, to free the man, Kilmar Armando Abrego Garcia, from Salvadoran custody. And she wanted answers quickly, declaring that her inquiry would take only two weeks.
Remember the old playground saying: “Sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never harm me.” If it was up to Judge Xinis, Cricket would still be running and jumping and having a grand old time, yipping and yapping and saying, “screw the pheasant hunt.”
Yes, Kristi Noem, in the words of The Times, has ignored the courts and hidden what she knows “about Mr. Abrego Garcia’s deportation behind repeated claims of privilege.” And her department “has offered witnesses for depositions who have little firsthand knowledge of the case” while she “has sought at every turn to slow-walk disclosing documents and responding to questions.”
Importantly, Kristi Noem has waged a public relations campaign against Abrego Garcia and made sure to shape the story:
Kristi made sure to torpedo the mainstream media’s version of the story, mocking their portrayal of Garcia as a family man: “We hear far too much in the mainstream media about sob stories of gang members and criminal illegals and not enough about their victims.” Then the DOJ made the case that Garcia had the requisite MS-13 Chicago Bulls hat, the quilt-ridden hoodie, the tattoos, and confirmed that they had the impossible-to-refute testimony of a confidential cooperating witness: “BOTTOM LINE: Kilmar Abrego Garcia is a violent criminal illegal alien and MS-13 gang member. He belongs behind bars and off American soil.” Kristi Noem persuasively told us:
If that wasn’t enough, Kristi Noem told us Kilmar Abrego Garcia was a bad husband: “Jennifer Vasquez, Garcia’s wife, petitioned for an order of protection against him. She claimed he punched her, scratched her, and ripped off her shirt, and bruised her.” A protective order Cricket could have used.
Kristi Noem was certainly scoring points in the public square, but they were losing points in the court room. For instance, following the decision of the Supreme Court, Judge Xinis questioned Pam Bondi’s DOJ assistant, Erez Reuveni, to find out where Abrego Garcia actually was and what exactly the government was doing to facilitate his return.
As The New York Times points out:
Under questioning by a federal judge on Friday, Mr. Reuveni conceded that the deportation last month of Kilmar Armando Abrego Garcia, who had a court order allowing him to stay in the United States, should never have taken place. Mr. Reuveni also said he had been frustrated when the case landed on his desk. Mr. Reuveni, a respected 15-year veteran of the immigration division, asked the judge for 24 hours to persuade his ‘client,’ the Trump administration, to begin the process of retrieving and repatriating Mr. Abrego Garcia.
[Emphasis added.]
For those watching closely, this was the moment Attorney General Pam Bondi, manifesting the spirit of Silky Sullivan, dug her spurs into the flanks of her staff and, yes, seized her advantage, charging forward. There was no way she was going to allow such a public betrayal and treachery from a member of her staff. In this the Trump/Bondi Department of Justice, there was just no room for candor or responsiveness:
Pam Bondi made it crystal clear she was now in the Most Stupid 2025 race to win it: “At my direction, every Department of Justice attorney is required to zealously advocate on behalf of the United States … Any attorney who fails to abide by this direction will face consequences.” And it was clear what she meant by the United States: Truskmumpia’s United States.
In much the same way as Silky Sullivan must have known, Pam Bondi knew what a critical moment this was. Erez Reuveni’s need to honor his oath of office would surely jeopardize the MAGAA mission. As The New York Times makes clear:
A mistake had been made. That much was clear. The Trump administration had deported a Maryland man named Kilmar Armando Abrego Garcia to a prison in El Salvador, even though a judge had issued a ruling expressly prohibiting that from happening. But when the news reached the Department of Homeland Security, it set off a dayslong scramble and clashes among officials in three different agencies over how to deal with what everyone knew had been an error. As it became clear that keeping it quiet was not an option, D.H.S. officials floated a series of ideas to control the story that raised alarms among Justice Department lawyers on the case.
In the days before the government’s error became public, D.H.S. officials discussed trying to portray Mr. Abrego Garcia as a ‘leader’ of the violent street gang MS-13, even though they could find no evidence to support the claim. They considered ways to nullify the original order that barred his deportation to El Salvador. They sought to downplay the danger he might face in one of that country’s most notorious prisons.
[Emphasis added.]
Not surprisingly, it was DOJ attorney Erez Reuveni (AKA Cricket Two) who suggested compliance and counseled bringing Mr. Abrego Garcia back to the United States. On April 14, 2025, The Hill reported that Pam Bondi told Jesse Watters of FOX News:
‘Jesse, you know, when you’re listening to all these liberal reporters, they keep calling him a Maryland man. He’s not a Maryland man. He’s part of foreign terrorist organization. He’s a member of MS-13, who, as you laid out in your monologue, came to this country and committed just gang acts …’ Bondi responded to Abrego Garcia’s attorneys claims that he’s not affiliated with a gang. ‘They’re wrong and he has no right to be there, but for an extra step in paperwork, just like you said, he would go right back to El Salvador, which is his home country, where he belongs,’ she added.
Meanwhile, as the not-very-stupid Erez Reuveni predicted, Judge Xinis was losing her patience. On April 22, 2025 she issued an eight-page order that addressed several issues the government had raised. She denied their invocations of privilege:
Defendants invoke in name only a range of protections—attorney-client privilege, the work-product doctrine, the deliberative process privilege, the state secrets privilege, and an undefined ‘governmental privilege’—without providing any supporting information or analysis. As Defendants and their counsel know, the proponent of a privilege must demonstrate the legal and factual bases to invoke the protections that such privilege affords.
Judge Xinis adds: “For weeks, Defendants have sought refuge behind vague and unsubstantiated assertions of privilege, using them as a shield to obstruct discovery and evade compliance with this Court’s orders.” In addition, Judge Xinis criticized them for not providing “the complete factual bases for Defendants’ assertion that Abrego Garcia is a member of MS-13.”
Not surprisingly, Kristi Noem quickly seized the stupid momentum back from Pam Bondi. Clearly, there was no way she was going to disappoint President Trump and comply with Judge Xinis’ order to return Abrego Garcia. Instead, demonstrating great initiative, and stretching the boundaries of stupid by actively and provocatively ignoring the Supreme Court, Noem travelled to El Salvador. There she insisted to CBS News that despite what some might think, they knew best: “…the Trump administration is focused on ‘going after the worst of the worst and doing it the right way.” CBS notes:
when asked what she had done to facilitate Abrego Garcia’s return, she said she is following the president’s direction along with that of ‘his legal scholars and attorneys … [Abrego Garcia] is not under our control. He is an El Salvador citizen. He is home there in his country. If he were to be brought back to the United States of America, we would immediately deport him again,’ Noem said.
There is nothing like an increasingly close race to bring out the best in the competition. I don’t think we will really know exactly what happened until the demise of the Trump regime and the tell-all books flood the market, but allow me to speculate. It might very well have been that Noem photo op in front of the Cecot prison in El Salvador, but all of a sudden Pam Bondi committed to upping her game. Pam Bondi decided it was time for an unexpected all-out end-run around those pro-Biden, ultra-liberal, pro-MS-13 judges who were preventing Truskmumpia from deporting the millions they had pledged to remove.
First, Pam Bondi mobilized three members of her team, Yaakov Roth, Bridget O’Hickey, and Drew Ensign, to demand that Judge Xinis just throw out the Abrego Garcia case. So on May 27, 2025, they filed their Motion to Dismiss:
In case she had forgotten, Bondi and her DOJ reminded Judge Xinis of the true facts:
During a bond hearing, U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement (‘ICE’) stated that local police had verified, through a confidential informant, that Abrego Garcia was an active member of the criminal gang MS-13 and, thus, a danger to the community. Id. ¶ 31. ICE provided a Gang Field Interview Sheet (‘GFIS’) generated by the Prince George County Police Department, which explained the rationale behind the belief that Abrego Garcia was a gang member. Id. After review of the evidence, an immigration judge denied Abrego Garcia’s bond request.
[Emphasis added.]
As Bondi well knows, you should thank your lucky stars for confidential informants.
Yes, regrettably, as Erez Reuveni had attested, they did have to acknowledge that there was the unfortunate reality that “Abrego Garcia then filed an I-589 application for asylum, withholding of removal, and protection under the United Nations. … [And] the immigration judge found Abrego Garcia removable but granted him withholding of removal to El Salvador.”
But that was then and this is now—the second coming of Truskmumpia, and Donald Trump’s victory over “Open Borders Biden.”
The Motion to Dismiss continues:
On March 12, 2025, Abrego Garcia was stopped by ICE officers, who informed him that his immigration status had changed … After being detained, he was questioned about gang affiliations and transferred to a detention center in Texas … Three days later, Abrego Garcia told Vasquez Sura that he would be removed to El Salvador and detained at CECOT prison.
Not surprisingly, the lawyers for Abrego Garcia did their best to thwart Donald Trump and MAGAA:
On March 24, 2025, Plaintiffs filed a Complaint against Defendants, asserting claims for violating Abrego Garcia’s withholding of removal under 8 U.S.C. § 1231(b)(3)(A); his Fifth Amendment procedural due-process rights; and Abrego Garcia, Vasquez Sura, and A.A.V.’s Fifth Amendment substantive due-process rights … Plaintiffs also assert that Defendant’s actions were arbitrary, capricious, and an abuse of discretion and that “Abrego Garcia is being held in custody by the Government of El Salvador … in violation of the Constitution or laws or treaties of the United States.
Pam Bondi was determined to fight back even harder, reminding Judge Xinis that “A federal court is obliged to dismiss a case whenever it appears the court lacks subject matter jurisdiction.” Bondi argues:
The Court must dismiss Plaintiffs’ claims against Defendants because, taking all factual allegations in their Complaint as true, they fail to establish subject-matter jurisdiction. This Court lacks jurisdiction because Abrego Garcia is not in United States custody, his injury is not redressable by this Court, and 8 U.S.C. § 1292(g) deprives this Court of jurisdiction …
Then, Pam Bondi, stupidly sly as a fox, uses the words of Garcia’s attorneys, to remind Judge Xinis that the guy is gone: “This Court lacks jurisdiction because Abrego Garcia is not in United States custody.” She argues:
Though Plaintiffs bring four claims in addition to a 28 U.S.C. § 2241 habeas claim, all Plaintiffs’ claims challenge Abrego Garcia’s confinement in El Salvador … (‘Defendants’ violation of law . . . is causing Plaintiff Abrego Garcia irreparable harm with each day that he spends . . . detained in CECOT … Because Plaintiffs make a core habeas claim, they must bring it exclusively in habeas. But suit is proper only against the immediate ‘custodian’ (the Warden of CECOT) and in the jurisdiction where Abrego Garcia is confined (El Salvador). Plaintiffs admit that Abrego Garcia ‘is being held in custody by the Government of El Salvador.’ Id. ¶ 98. Therefore, this Court lacks jurisdiction to hear Plaintiffs’ claims and should dismiss them.
[Emphasis added.]
It is an argument certainly worth making. To make a habeas claim, to insist on due process, to demand your day in court, you have to be able to appear. Maybe once upon a time Kilmar Abrego Garcia had a wife Jennifer and three kids in Maryland, but that was then, before he was a resident of the CECOT prison.
Are you getting the sense that Pam Bondi has her eye on the Most Stupid 2025 trophy? Not afraid of pissing off Judge Xinis. Doing whatever she needs to do to win. Bondi reminds Xinis: Does anyone really believe the President of El Salvador would release a prize prisoner just because he was asked? She writes:
there is no jurisdiction in habeas. Plaintiffs admit that Abrego Garcia ‘is being held in custody by the Government of El Salvador.’ … And they acknowledge that Defendants do not have the power to produce him … (asking the Court to order Defendants to ‘request that the Government of El Salvador release Plaintiff’ to Defendants’ custody). Despite their allegations that “the Government of El Salvador is detaining Plaintiff Abrego Garcia at the direct request . . . and financial compensation of Defendants,” id. ¶ 98, Plaintiffs do not assert that the United States can exercise its will over a foreign sovereign. The most they ask for is that this Court order the United States to ‘request’ his release.
[Emphasis added.]
Bondi knows there are a couple more logical hurdles to clear, so she reloads, because at the end of the day, it is all about Nayib Bukele, the president of El Salvador:
(‘The writ… shall be directed to the person having custody of the person detained.’). This Court therefore lacks jurisdiction.
And even if the writ were to run to Abrego Garcia’s custody in El Salvador, the fact remains that the writ acts not on the detainee but the custodian. Id. §§ 2242–43. Thus, a custodian with the power to produce Abrego Garcia must be physically within the jurisdiction of this Court for this Court to exercise jurisdiction in habeas.
[Emphasis added.]
Judge Xinis is in Maryland, and Nayib Bukele is in El Salvador.
Well, if winning Most Stupid was easy, everyone would have a trophy. Almost immediately, Abrego Garcia’s team took up the Bondi challenge. On June 2, 2025, they filed their “Plaintiffs’ Opposition to Defendants’ Motion To Dismiss.” They began by reminding the Court of the other side, the Abrego Garcia version of events:
They argue:
the Government insists that no remedy is available. That argument is incompatible with the Supreme Court’s order that this Court ‘properly require[d] the Government to ‘facilitate’ Abrego Garcia’s release from custody in El Salvador and to ensure that his case is handled as it would have been had he not been improperly sent to El Salvador.’ Noem, 145 S. Ct. at 1018.
Then, they make the point, “This Court’s power to remedy the Government’s illegal removal of Abrego Garcia to El Salvador has been affirmed at every level of the Judicial Branch.” They stress, “Here, the U.S. Government retains functional control over Abrego Garcia’s detention—it has simply contracted with El Salvador to be the jailer.”
They conclude, “Plaintiffs seek to have the Government take all available steps, in good faith, to facilitate Abrego Garcia’s return … But Defendants have to try. And to date, there is no indication that they have …”
There was always that moment, never completely clear or definitive, when Silky Sullivan went from last to next to last to making his move. In those moments, victory still remained remarkably improbable. It often took the observer’s mind a few more seconds to register what was actually happening. Silky was expertly wending his way in between the horses ahead of him. Passing one by one. Time after time, the Garcia team had effectively countered the arguments the government had offered. And this ABC News report reveals how Judge Xinis was losing her patience:
ABC News reports:
The judge overseeing the case of wrongly deported Kilmar Abrego Garcia on Wednesday granted a request from his attorneys to file a motion seeking sanctions against the government for failing to comply with discovery requests. U.S. District Judge Paula Xinis in April ordered the Trump administration to provide discovery evidence showing the process by which Abrego Garcia was mistakenly deported to his native El Salvador despite him being issued a 2019 court order barring his deportation to his home country due to the fear of persecution.
Wednesday’s order from Xinis comes after Abrego Garcia’s attorneys said in a court filing that some of the discovery productions by the government include ‘highly redacted internal messages’ and other materials that were classified as ‘Confidential or Attorney’s Eyes Only’ — without a motion to designate the items as being under seal. The judge directed the government to file its response within seven days of the motion’s filing.
Throwing caution to the wind, summoning stupid impulses from every corner of her brain and body, Pam Bondi decided to go for gold. Adopting Kristi Noem’s Cricket playbook. Finally, doing what the courts had said they wanted, but doing it as only the Truskmumpians would do. Bring him back, but never let him go. And just for the hell of it, they would throw every law they could throw at him. Think of it as a DOJ gravel pit.
And so, presto. Kilmar Abrego Garcia was back in the United States. Not back with his family in Maryland but in prison in Tennessee:
As The New York Times reports:
Kilmar Armando Abrego Garcia, the man at the center of a political and legal maelstrom after he was mistakenly deported to El Salvador, was flown back to the United States on Friday to face charges of transporting undocumented migrants.
The stunning move by the Trump administration, after months of fighting any effort to return him, could end the most high-profile court battle over President Trump’s authority to rapidly seize and deport immigrants. The decision to pull Mr. Abrego Garcia out of El Salvador and instead put him on trial in an American courtroom could provide an offramp for the Trump administration, which had bitterly opposed court orders requiring the government to take steps to return him after his wrongful removal in March.
The 10-page indictment — filed in Federal District Court in Nashville in May and unsealed Friday — might also be an effort to save face: Bringing Mr. Abrego Garcia back to face criminal charges may allow the White House to avoid a broader legal confrontation that was increasingly headed toward questions of whether Trump administration officials should be held in contempt of court.
If you want to see stupid audacity at its best, you can read the indictment here. Yes, on a roll, Pam Bondi pulled out all the stops. Telling Judge Xinis, she wanted all the charges that Abrego Garcia was bringing against Truskmumpia dropped immediately:
Then, doubling down, Pam Bondi decided to convict Abrego Garcia once again. In her press conference, she made it clear that he was guilty. And this time guilty not merely of being an undocumented and illegal alien but guilty of a series of almost unimaginable crimes:
We’re here today to announce a major update in an important case. Abrego Garcia has landed in the United States to face justice. On May 21st, a grand jury in the Middle District of Tennessee returned a sealed indictment charging Abrego Garcia with alien smuggling and conspiracy to commit alien smuggling in violation of U.S.C. 1324. We want to thank President Bukela for agreeing to return Abrego Garcia to the United States. Our government presented El Salvador with an arrest warrant, and they agreed to return him to our country. We’re grateful to President Bukela for agreeing to return him to our country to face these very serious charges. This is what American justice looks like. Upon completion of his sentence, we anticipate he will be returned to his home country of El Salvador.
The grand jury found that over the past nine years, Abrego Garcia has played a significant role in an alien smuggling ring. They found this was his full time job, not a contractor. He was a smuggler of humans and children and women. He made over 100 trips … Thousands of illegal aliens were smuggled. This is especially disturbing because Abrego Garcia is also alleged with transporting minor children. The defendant traded the innocence of minor children for profit … The defendant abused undocumented alien females, according to Co-conspirators, who were under his control while transporting them throughout our country … A co-conspirator alleged that the defendant solicited nude photographs and videos of a minor. A co-conspirator also alleges the defendant played a role in the murder of a rival gam member’s mother. These facts demonstrate Abrego Garcia is a danger to our community …
[Emphasis added.]
Of course, the race, just like this case, is not yet over. And given her extensive track record of lying to the courts, Pam Bondi has a way to go. Not to mention that, and unfortunately for both Noem and Bondi, Kilmar Abrego Garcia will finally get his day in court. With the opportunity to tell his very different story.
And in a quick response to Bondi’s new indictment, Garcia’s lawyers filed a motion demanding sanctions against the government.
But, of course, and most importantly for those following the critical contest for Most Stupid 2025, Bondi has impressively narrowed Kristi Noem’s lead. And, the larger lesson: Once again, America is underestimating the stronger sex. Once more, people fail to adequately appreciate the dawning of the new day, the recognition that Truskmumpia has unambiguously embraced Equal Opportunity Stupidity. Perhaps a decade or so ago, neither Kristi Noem or Pamela Bondi stood any chance at all of taking home the Most Stupid Award. But this is 2025. And how can anyone ignore their impressive and steadfast embrace of irrationality, absurdity, and senselessness? And so if it were up to me, I would rename the next round of national protests: No Kings and No Queens.
