1980
Price Chopper sells out of Campbell’s chicken noodle soup and Ovaltine the night before.
Snow depth required to call a snow day: two feet.
At 6:30 a.m., Jenny’s mom Ellen, from the school phone tree, calls—or maybe forgets to call—to say there is no school.
At 7 a.m., determine weather by looking out window.
At 8 a.m., children stream out of house stuffed into snowsuits effective to 30 degrees Fahrenheit. Air temp is 18, with wind closer to 7. Children are not from heard from again until 4 p.m.
Unable to get to work, father stays in bed all day, and mother joins him there after heating up Campbells Chicken Noodle Soup for kids (she got the last can) and leaving it on counter for them to eat later.
Sled options: four-foot flexible flyer or 10-foot wooden toboggan.
TV entertainment options: the original “King Kong,” “Days of Our Lives,” or reruns of the Andy Griffith show.
Method of clearing snow on path from house to car: shovel.
The plow guy, as in the only plow guy, arrives at Maple Street four hours after snow has stopped, just after you had given up hope of ever getting out.
Number of minutes it takes after car finally turns over before the windshield warms up enough to melt the ice and the inside warms up enough to feel inhabitable: All the minutes there are.
Grandma’s Ford F-100 is the first non-commercial vehicle spied cruising up Route 7. It has large slabs of uncleared snow streaming off the back of it. “I had to get out of the damn house,” she explains to concerned son. “Was trying to find some bourbon.”
2025
Price Chopper sells out of toilet paper and Bourbon the night before.
Snow depth required to call a snow day: two inches.
At 5:30 a.m., simultaneously arrive URGENT MESSAGE emails from principal, school secretary, and superintendent, accompanied by emergency texts and also voicemails on the family’s five cell phones.
At 7 a.m., determine weather by sitting with back to window, iPhone in hand, and asking it, “What’s the weather today?”
At 8 a.m., children stream out of house stuffed into arctic explorer suits with mitten and boot warmers and air tags tucked under the helmets. Air temp is 32. They bang on door to come in at 8:30 a.m.
Expected on nine work calls between them, parents toggle between those and managing the kids’ conflicting food and drink preferences and allergies.
Sled options: Alpine Winter Sleigh in baby blue; Slippery Racer Downhill X-treme; Flybar 26-inch Foam Saucer Disk with slick bottom, retractable tow strap and anti-slip seat; Tube Pro Hard Bottom Snow Tube in Rainbow, Red, Royal Blue, Orange, Pink Piping, or Camouflage.
TV entertainment options: 3,248 episodes of 43 different shows available on demand, but kids will only watch 14-second videos of line dancing, boys falling off skateboards, and intentionally bad lip synching.
Method of clearing snow on path from house to car: home skid steer.
Maple Street’s bespoke plow guy does a pre-plow run-through four hours before start of storm, removes all evidence of snow before it hits the ground.
Number of minutes it takes after turning on car remotely from comfort of living room before the windshield warms up enough to melt the ice and the inside warms up enough to feel inhabitable: 30 seconds.
48 hours after the skies have cleared, Grandma is still not considering taking her Mazda CX-50 Hybrid out of the garage. She explains to concerned son, “But they’re calling for flurries.”
