A parody of “If I were a Bell” from “Guys and Dolls,” in solidarity with the parents of young children who have a snow day today:
Ask me how do I feel
Ask me now on our first snowy morning,
Well, kid, all I can say is if I were a dove, I’d be mourning!
From the moment my plans liquefied
That’s the fact I’ve just gotta accept
Boy, if I were a river, I’d have cried!
Or if I were a willow, I’d have wept!
Ask me how do I feel
Little me as my income is thinning,
Well, sir, all I can say is if I were a nun, I’d be sinning!
And if I were a box I’d start coming unglued!
Or if I were a dove, I’d go coo, coo, coo, coo, coo.
Ask me how do I feel from this humble pie breakfast I’m eating,
Well sir, all I can say is if I were a ewe I’d be bleating!
Yes, I knew my morale would fail
From the wonderful plans that I’ve scrapped!
Boy if I were a wall, I’d wail!
Or if I were a knee, I’d be capped!
Ask me how do I feel
Ask me now that the schools are all closing
Well, if I were a Jew
I know I’d be rending my clothing!
Ask me how to describe this whole domestic zoo!
Well if I were a dove,
I’d go coo, coo, coo, coo, coo.
