As I get older, I seem to retreat more into myself, watching TV, working on my computer, and reading mystery novels. I am aware that I promised many months ago to call several friends, but I have inexcusably let it slide. I have always been a social person, but now, except for my wife, I am often alone much of the time. It is not a conscious decision but something I have just fallen into without much thought. For the moment, I spend most of my time solitary or sitting in busy cafes alone amidst the buzz of young NYU students.
It is hard to fully explain what I feel is happening to me, but I know my capacity and desire for socializing has diminished. Of course, my difficulty walking means taking cabs to meet people and taking more time than in the past while I clumsily prepare to set out to leave my apartment—dropping objects in the process. So socializing is not always easy.
I forgot to add that recently the only continuous connections that I have are the relentless A.I.-generated calls from United Health Care—whatever con they may represent—trying to sell me insurance. I have just muted my phone to stop their constant ringing.
I still follow the news and write to bear moral witness to the Trumpian government’s barbarism. So, every day I look at The Times, BBC News, and MS NOW to absorb a range of news analysis and breaking stories.
Much of the news coverage consists of Trump committing one egregious and frightening act after another. If he is not talking about nationalizing elections because of supposed fraud, he is suing Harvard for a billion dollars, deporting immigrants with the violent aid of his own militia (ICE), or posting on social media a scurrilous election-conspiracy video that includes racist footage depicting former President Barack Obama and former First Lady Michelle Obama as apes. I suppose that should have drawn the line, but there are no limits to what his benighted base may cheer, and much of the outrage (the Republicans who vent like Tim Scott will still remain totally loyal to Trump) that will be expressed will soon be forgotten. Trump’s onslaught on democracy and our basic institutions never stops, and the lemming-like and craven nature of the Republican Party has no bounds.
I try to get beyond the stories centered around Trump, since they are impossible to bear. But the world is filled with misery and it is not hard to find painful stories in other countries. Though there is supposed to be a ceasefire in Gaza, both Hamas and Israel continue to initiate strikes against each other. So, 20 were killed in Gaza after an Israeli soldier was wounded by gunfire. And Russia continues to bombard Ukraine with drones and missiles to destroy its power grid as the peace talks take place with nothing new occurring.
I could go on, but after a while, cataloguing the world’s capacity for destruction has no effect. It is better that I try to make contact with old friends, go to films with my wife, and take some pleasure with the days or years that are left.
