Editor’s note: This obituary was written by Mr. Freed’s widow Nan Bernstein Freed
Paul died at home early in the morning on December 24, 2022. Writing his obituary to fully realize his spirit was not easy for me. But on the upcoming one-year anniversary of his death, I got more perspective and confidence.
I met a very bright (sometimes dark), but mysterious man in 1976. Four plus years later (June 1981), we married on the ice-skating rink in Rockefeller Center during the very first gay pride parade. We had many upper deck observers from Fifth Avenue. Being country-raised and visiting the Berkshires from Boston University in 1972, I was determined to make this my home one day. Brooklyn-born Paul was not so sure but humored me. In 1982, after an exhaustive search, we found and purchased our forever home in Tyringham.
Paul’s directness and honesty were at times hard for me to integrate and even harder for those who didn’t understand him. Mostly, he was insightful and true. What you saw is what you got. His heart was extremely soft but guarded. Paul began his professional career creating and editing movie trailers and TV spots. He moved into editing dramatic television and film but was not thrilled with the isolation of that career. He redirected his energy, graduated from Goddard at 50 years old and moved into teaching a Critical Thinking course at The Forman School in Connecticut and substitute-teaching in the Berkshires. Locally, he volunteered at The Literacy Network and The Railroad Street Youth Project. Paul loved books of all kinds, music of all genres, soccer, and an occasional Cuban cigar.
In 2004, he received a no-name very rare cancer diagnosis, interrupting our lives and many dreams. After surgery No. 5 of 7, he started painting. His talent immediately became obvious. Between oncologist searches and my having to keep working, we traveled to Philadelphia, New York, Austin (where he worked with kids with cancer at Dell Children’s Hospital) and Los Angeles. We were stuck in Los Angeles for two COVID years and returned home in 2021. Throughout the time away, we both found comfort in knowing home was always there, waiting for our return.
Over our 40 plus years together, he taught me so much. Boredom with the seemingly mundane was never an issue for us. Paul is missed, but free. He is survived by Nan Bernstein Freed; his spirit guide cat through many surgeries, Sugar Ray; his sister Laura of Lenox, his beloved sister-in-law Marcia and brother-in-law Michael of West Stockbridge. Cousins Sally and Peter and Pat loved him dearly. There remains a community of so many friends of all ages to mention. Paul deeply treasured our two nieces, Nora and Deborah and her husband Marc; nephews Demian and Jesse and their wives Meredith and Hannah; as well as nine grand nieces and nephews. Paul felt fortunate to have them all in our lives but missed deceased sister-in-law Elaine and her husband Richard. He so valued the beautiful, inclusive family legacy they produced.
May I extend our deepest gratitude to Samantha Sanders who came from Idaho at the drop of a hat to support us and be my sister wife. Hospice Care of the Berkshires was fantastic. Both helped make his transition easier and kept me so informed.
I am comforted that my care-taking and exhaustive medical research over 20 years extended his life. My promise to keep him home during the last 10 months of his life was honored—no more hospitals. No regrets.
Please make donations in his honor to Berkshire Humane Society, Hospice of the Berkshires or Southern Poverty Law Center.
