Not so many weeks ago, after one of Donald Trump’s many courtroom appearances (I confess, it is hard for me to keep track of which court he attends, in which jurisdiction, for which purpose), one of his ardent supporters posted an “alternative” courtroom sketch of Jesus sitting beside Trump at the defendant’s table. Note: There is no reporting to suggest that Jesus made an actual courtroom appearance; one of Trump’s crackerjack lawyers actually occupied the adjacent seat, and none of his lawyers bear any resemblance to Jesus.
The sketch—posted, of course, on Trump’s Truth Social—reminded me that, not so very long ago, his ally Marjorie Taylor Greene had also compared him, favorably, to Jesus. Two separate Jesus references were all it took to get my wheels turning, so I now bring you a side-by-side comparison of the good works of Donald Trump and those of Jesus Christ:
Jesus Christ said, “Suffer the little children to come unto me.”
Donald Trump put the children of refugees into cages and separated them—some permanently—from their parents.
Jesus Christ washed the feet of the poor and cured a leper.
Donald Trump uses buckets of hand sanitizer to cleanse himself of the germs of those who touch him.
Jesus Christ threw money lenders out of the temple.
Donald Trump inflated the value of his properties in order to get better deals from money lenders.
Jesus Christ changed water into wine.
Donald Trump used a special buzzer on his desk to summon diet cokes for himself.
Jesus Christ cured the paralyzed.
Donald Trump demanded that paralyzed veterans not participate in a parade because injured vets disgusted him.
Jesus Christ calmed a storm at sea.
Donald Trump altered a hurricane map with a Sharpie to accord with his faulty analysis of the weather.
Jesus Christ turned a bit of bread and a few fishes into food sufficient to feed thousands of hungry people.
Donald Trump slashed the welfare budget so that the hungry no longer qualified for food assistance.
Jesus Christ cured the blind.
Donald Trump mocked a reporter with a disability.
Jesus Christ forgave the sins of a woman who had sold herself for money.
Donald Trump sexually assaulted women and then referred to them as dogs and pigs.
Jesus Christ cured Peter’s mother-in-law of a fever.
Donald Trump told his countrymen to inject disinfectant and ingest horse deworming pills to cure COVID.
Jesus Christ forgave those who crucified him.
Donald Trump savaged everyone who ever disagreed with him and recently called for the execution of General Mark Milley.
Forgive me, but I can think of very few people who are less Christlike than Donald Trump. He cheats at golf. He cheats on his wives. He cheats on his taxes. He throws tantrums. He steals from everyone. He insults women and the disabled. He lies on his financial statements—in fact, he lies about everything. He calls people names. He thinks that prisoners of war and fallen soldiers are “suckers” and “losers.” He wants to rescind the Constitution. He seeks the warm embrace of sociopaths and dictators. He summoned a mob to kill his vice president when his vice president was just trying to do his job.
So, the next time one of Trump’s artistically-inclined acolytes has the urge to draw a sketch of The Donald sitting next to a religious figure, perhaps they should consider placing him not with Jesus, but with Saint Jude: Patron of lost causes.
