As everyone knows, Donald Trump is a pathological liar. He told over 30,000 lies during his first term, and his second term is equally riddled with falsehoods. He is also the stupidest person ever to ascend to the presidency, and that is saying something, when one considers the tenure of George W. Bush.
But Trump has eclipsed Bush in the “How-did-Someone-this-Stupid-Manage-to-Become-the-President” sweepstakes. We know exactly how much of a liar, and how stupid, our president is because he simply never shuts up. If he spent as much time actually performing the critical work of the presidency as he does hanging out on MAGA media news sets gibbering incoherently, or in front of any random camera or microphone that he can find so that he can gibber some more, perhaps he could improve his job performance and shed his well-earned reputation as the worst president in American history.
He could, but he won’t. The former star of “The Apprentice” has never seen a camera that he did not want to fill with his puffed-up, combed-over self. One suspects that his penchant for thick orange make-up is driven by one thought only:
“I’m ready for my close-up, Mr. DeMille.”
Timing is everything. Although I try to avoid over-exposure—or, frankly, any exposure—to the embarrassing spectacle of our chief executive, navigating his incessant appearances on TV can sometimes feel impossible. I turned on the television last month just in time to see Dear Leader running his mouth in front of television cameras in England. Had this been Trump’s first term, I would have experienced the sheer humiliation of knowing that everyone in Great Britain had just discovered that the president of the United States is a dunce, but since it is his second term in office, they already knew that.
As I searched frantically for the TV remote so that I could turn him off before my ears started to bleed, I heard the following pearls of idiocy dribble from the mouth of the president of the United States:
- We’ve solved inflation in our country. All the prices have come down.
- Jobs are at a record high.
- The U.S. is doing better than it has ever done in terms of business and investment. We have $17 trillion of investment.
- We’ve solved seven wars.
- The United States and England stand for the fundamental values of the English-speaking world.
Evidently, President Knucklehead believes that the citizens of the British Isles are as uninformed and propagandized as his American constituents. Spoiler alert: They are not. There are few people on Earth, apart from the residents of Russia, China, and North Korea, who are more misinformed and brainwashed than Trump’s MAGA loyalists.
Trump is so stupid that he thinks the citizens of England have no idea that prices for food, housing, energy, and any item manufactured abroad—including cars, shoes, clothes, and cell phones—are higher in the U.S. than they have ever been before, at a time when unemployment is soaring, wages are stagnant, and job growth has tanked.
Undoubtedly, since they own television sets and read newspapers, the British also know that huge numbers of low-income Americans are about to lose their healthcare, their SNAP benefits, and their children’s school-based disability services. Economists have begun to predict a 2008-style financial meltdown. That is how well we are doing under Donald Trump.
Unsolicited advice: If you can afford it, buy gold—you will need it to offset your losses on the Trump bitcoin you felt compelled to buy. Besides, gold is portable; sew it into the lining of your coat before you flee the dictatorship that used to serve as the gold standard for democracy worldwide.
So much for solving inflation and unemployment. In fact, President “You’re Fired” is responsible for 150,000 federal employees losing their jobs, and his insane tariffs have led to nationwide lay-offs and hiring freezes. Soybean farmers can thank him for the complete collapse of their industry as China forms new trading relationships with the soy farmers of Argentina—you know, the country that Trump just provided with 40 billion of your tax dollars to prop up their ever-failing economy because the demi-dictator is a friend of his and the money given to Argentina provides a tidy payday for an American hedge fund manager named Rob Citrone, who has close ties to Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent. Citrone inexplicably invested in a country with a valueless currency.
According to Mother Jones magazine, Citrone spent lavishly on “Argentine debt and purchased equity in numerous Argentine companies that are closely tied to the performance of the overall [failed] economy.” Citrone also credits himself with making Bessent a wealthy man.
$40 billion to the failed economy of Argentina and Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent’s friends; $0 to American citizens.
Trump’s bananas assertion that we are doing better than we ever have in terms of business and investment—“We have $17 trillion in investments”—is, quite simply, a lie. The Associated Press reports
… based on statements from various companies, foreign countries and the White House’s own website, that figure appears to be exaggerated, highly speculative and far higher than the actual sum. The White House website lists total investments at $8.8 trillion, though that figure appears to be padded with some investment commitments made during Joe Biden’s presidency.
Evidently, the know-nothing who lives in the White House does not understand that the good citizens of Great Britain have access to that information, as well.
And what, exactly, are the “seven wars” that President Pacifist has “solved?” Several of the conflicts between third-world countries that he claims to have solved were little more than “one-and-done” skirmishes or low-level disagreements that simply petered out on their own, although Trump insists that threatening U.S. tariffs brought them to the table.
It remains to be explained how increasing tariffs causes wars to stop. Note to the wise: They do not. One only has to consider how absolutely useless such sanctions have been in resolving the war in Ukraine.
The conflict between India and Pakistan was solved bilaterally, between the two nations. Trump had nothing to do with it. Meanwhile, the war in Congo rages on—the fighting continues, made even more horrible by the fact that the humanitarian in the White House ended the assistance from USAID that kept women and children from that blighted region from dying of starvation and preventable illness.
The ceasefire in Gaza is too new to be declared a definitive peacemaking victory for President Big Mouth, and the bloody war in Ukraine continues because Trump is Vladimir Putin’s tool. At the same time, Trump has declared war on Venezuelan motorboats and on United States citizens who see him for the rising dictator that he is.
And here is a news update: According to the government of Columbia, one of the boats that have been destroyed by Donald Trump and the equally stupid Pete Hegseth in their “war on drugs” was a Columbian fishing vessel, not a smuggling ship, and a friend of mine who has deep connections in Trinidad, one of the southernmost islands in the region of the Caribbean where Pete Hegseth keeps blowing stuff up, has learned that at least one of the boats that were blown to bits was a Trinidadian fishing boat. So, there it is—at least two boats with nothing aboard but people and fish have been blown to smithereens.
Now, where is that Nobel Prize?
Finally, for the stupidest person to ever occupy the White House to aver that the United States and England stand for the fundamental values of the English-speaking world is also a lie. First of all, America no longer stands for the values of the English-speaking world, because most of the other countries where English is spoken as the official, majority language are democracies, and America no longer qualifies as that. America now qualifies as a nascent totalitarian state where human and civil rights, and the Constitution, are being deliberately and continually violated by a lying fascist with the IQ of a housefly, assisted by a corrupt high court, a groveling legislature, and a phalanx of creepy factotums.
Trump’s totalitarian “values” are fundamentally at odds with the values of the rest of the English-speaking world, along with democracies whose native languages are not English. What Trump really meant is that we share with Britain a common bond of whiteness. Which is also a lie.
By standing in front of a bank of microphones and cameras at the home of the British prime minister and spewing easily fact-checked bushwa, our president proved, yet again, that he is little more than a cognitively impaired Pinocchio who is uniformly unfit for office.
But everyone in England already knew that.
