Editor’s Note: The following letter was written by a 35-year-old female in the Berkshires, six months clean from a nightmare with years of heroin addiction. She says: “I know a lot of people don’t really want to hear from those of us who are literally in the fight of our life, but I hope you will publish this letter. My therapist thinks it will reach many local individuals struggling, and their family and friends. You may edit the swear words.”
Dear Heroin,
WTF!! You got me again, how did you do that? I know how, I was unhappy with my life, at that time, and you jumped in! You know how to make me feel better for awhile, then you consume my life. You take everything from me, my soul, my good life, my home, my friends, my family, and anything and everything in my life that is good. You fucking suck!! How did you take all that from me, make me feel like life would be better with you, then take everything that matters to me, make me sick, make me depend on you to live, make me steal, lie, manipulate others, hurt my family and friends, and hurt myself. I thought I loved you and you loved me… That’s not a healthy relationship. You fucked my world up, made me need you no matter what, I would do anything for you, what did you do for me? Nothing but take, take, take! I can’t even believe I let you back in my life. What was I thinking,…Oh, I know, I’m so easy to take advantage of, and I\’m so co-dependent. You love when I depend on you. It makes you happy. I never want you again, never! Leave me alone! Stay away! I don’t need you anymore! I want my life back! You are never welcome in it again! Please do not look for me in my darkest part of my soul! I know I still say I love you, and I would love to have you one more time. But I know, and you know, where that will take us, down a long, agonizingly painful, excruciating road to death. So please, for me, say goodbye to us, and never look back. I know you will come back every once in a while to see how I am doing, and that’s okay. It will be a good reminder to me, to remember our lowest lows. I remember where you brought me, and where I never want to go again! I will never forget what you did to my spirit and my whole life. I want no part of it again! I know my life is going to be hard sometimes, and that\’s okay. My life with you was insanity, and I made it through that. So, real life should be a breeze without you bringing me down, feeling shame, guilt, and failure all the time. I know that I am better than you. Don’t need you to numb me anymore! I want to feel everything, pain, happiness, love, laughter, sadness. So this is our goodbye heroin. I will miss you sometimes. But I know my life just has to be better without you!
Love always, but goodbye,
Jennifer
