Witch hunts and other idle party favors

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By Saturday, Mar 11 Viewpoints  6 Comments

“Rumour is a pipe / Blown by surmises, jealousies, [and] conjectures” – Shakespeare, Henry IV Part 2

Imagine yourself sitting by a table, at a dinner party in a friend’s home. Conversation flows, and you find yourself in a trustworthy companionship. As talk unfolds, a guest talks about a mutual friend and laughs. With no reason to assume misrepresentation, you take the guest’s words as truth and unknowingly absorb Rumor’s malignant tendrils. Kool-Aid drunk, with no alternative presented, Rumor breeds, ready to stalk her next prey.

While this account may seem overly poetic, the point stands that rumor and slander exist as hurtful actions within our world. Throughout my life, a common trait among my friends is that we have been bullied. Victims, we and our families, are far too familiar with this pain. Everyday 160,000 students in the United States stay home from school to avoid bullies and their witch-hunt tactics. I hate knowing that my friends and I contribute to behavior that spreads fear in children’s hearts.

But the real problem is that children are not the only victims of this hatred. Bullies do not disappear when they graduate from high school. They climb the social and economic ladder with everyone else, and they feed the epidemic that has spanned generations. Rumor, gossip, and slander may be the more recognized names for “matured” bullying tactics, but the aim and the effects of the actions are the same: defamation and pain, with intent to destroy.

Some find themselves boggled at the phenomenon of such negative attributes resurfacing so regularly within our communities. Yet television, advertisements, games, magazines, and theaters lavishly indulge in tales of gossip and social ill will. Just check the tabloids next time you are in the grocery store. A main theme of entertainment has always been verbal contagion. Characters stir confusion and the audience chortles with rapturous glee. But in the real world when the audience laughs, victims do not get to walk off stage; they have to keep living their lives, attacked.

I am not stating my opinion on bullying. I am saying that bullying is empirically bad. With approximately 24,000 teenage suicide attempts annually — about 7 percent of high school students — due to bullying related reasons, slander is statistically proven to shorten, endanger, — and I have firsthand seen it — destroy lives. Age irrelevant.

Gossiping about the person who is not at the table is truthfully more dangerous than speaking it to his or her face, for they cannot join the conversation and have no opportunity for rebuttal. It is the person who is not even present, the person who is not even aware their name has been mentioned, the person who has no opportunity to share their side of a narrative; it is the most helpless person who is being slandered.

Sacrificing the absentee for one’s own personal gain is far from mighty. Yet this is not the consensus, for we are a people divided by our words against one another. We choose to brew anger and hurt. Communities from college campuses to small towns, cities, states, and countries spread lies and falsely label others. At a time when the world is brimming with hatred and mistrust, stirring new gossip for a petty triumph seems even more unnecessary than ever.

Perhaps the next social encounter could do without character assassination.

I dedicate this piece to Julian.


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6 Comments   Add Comment

  1. T says:

    Your words ring true.I encounter a Bully everyday at work,Funny thing about Bullies,they themselves breed hate and jealousies,but Find themselves to be the”victim”,when presented with their actions,Sad,but true. I find taking a wide berth and avoiding her is the best route,when dealing with such a person.

    1. Marilyn Kalish says:

      You are welcome to join a few people – for a conversation concerning bullying.
      confidential

  2. Marilyn Kalish says:

    Feel free to contact me if you have been bullied.
    marilynkalish.com
    A small group of people are simply having a conversation at my home in GB.
    best wishes,
    Marilyn

    1. T says:

      I thank-you,but I have support group to which I currently have a great grounding with.

  3. Carl Stewart says:

    Ms. Kalish is talking about an important subject; too bad she loses considerable credibility with her utter and reckless disregard for statistics. Firstly, 24,000 suicide attempts by high school students does not represent 7% of the high school population…not by a long shot. At the 2010 census, there were about 17 million high school students in the United States; 24,000 represents about one-tenth of 1%, not 7%. What’s more, that number of 160,000 students staying home to avoid bullying is a much-discredited statistic. It has been pulled from many sources, none of them particularly reliable. From which source did Ms. Kalish retrieve it? I hate to say it but…”fake news.”

  4. Marilyn Kalish says:

    Dear Carl,
    Thank you so much for your considerate feedback.

    I know you are coming from a good/important place.
    I will absolutely look into … what i thought to be accurate statistics.
    Please feel free to contact me at marilynkalish@comcast.net
    Perhaps we could arrange to speak – you clearly know much concerning this topic.
    Sincerely,
    Marilyn

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